Creative Divorce by Krantzler Mel;

Author:Krantzler, Mel;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.
Published: 1974-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

RETHINKING VALUES AND PRIORITIES

At that springtime meeting of my seminar Christine, 26, said, “I didn’t really do anything over the Easter holidays, but a funny thing happened that got me thinking. In fact, I can see now I’m going to be thinking for a long time. I was talking with a friend of mine about a movie my husband and I had seen last year, right before we were divorced. I found myself saying, 'We didn't like it much.' And then I stopped. What did I mean, we? It’s I now. And I liked that movie! And what’s more, I don’t like bourbon! And I don’t like skiing! And I do like musical comedies!

“I feel like a lifelong Republican who suddenly switches to the Democratic party. I’ve got so much rethinking to do. Not just the little likes and dislikes we shared as a couple that I thought were mine, but the bigger things, too. I mean, if I went along with just a little thing for so many years like pretending to like skiing when it really bores me to death, what about some of my basic values? I can see a whole new person to discover behind the facade of “wife” and it’s exciting! I don’t have any earth-shaking answers to report yet, but I’m looking forward to the challenge of coming up with some.”

Christine’s moment of truth parallels the experience of Herb, 46, who had devoted all his time and energy to working for a large accounting concern during the twenty-three years of his marriage. “When we split up, the bottom dropped out of my work, along with everything else,” he said. “I learned to my great surprise that I didn’t like my job anymore; I had sort of gone along with my wife who liked the security. I’m still working, but I’m looking around for something a little more venturesome where I can be with people. Opening a little restaurant, maybe.”

Often a divorce is triggered by a discontent which, when acted upon, sets in motion a burst of personal growth that was not originally anticipated. Jill, 31, the mother of a two-year-old girl and the former wife of an up-and-coming advertising executive, entered into her marriage with every intention of being superwife. “I did the whole bit—the complete homemaker, the woman-behind-the-man, the powerhouse-in-her-own-right—but I felt bored and suffocated. When we separated I was in my second year of architecture school and I let Peter keep Linda. He had moved back in with his parents, and I just couldn’t cope with my class schedule and Linda, too. When the divorce became final, I agreed for him to have permanent custody. I can see now I wasn’t cut out to be a wife and mother. I love Linda, but I don’t think that just because I carried her I’m necessarily the most perfect mother for her. The first months I really took myself over the coals. Guilty, guilty, guilty! I thought I must be some kind of freak to be able to give up my daughter like that.

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